The ABC of Understanding Toddler Behavior

Toddler behavior can be challenging. They don't call it the terrible two's for nothing. It's important as a parent to remember that this is a normal part of child development. From about 18 months of age, a child wants to have his/her whole world at his/her feet. That is normal. It is also normal that you, the parent, will want to teach your child that he/she belongs to a family and he/she has to fit in.

From a management point of view, the principles of toddler discipline and child behavior management are:

* give positive reinforcement for behaviors you want 

* ignore behaviors you don't want

* use time out for "out-of-control" behavior

I often find that parents know the principles but still can't figure out how to change their toddler's behavior. Sometimes, you are just too close to see what is happening.

Using the ABC of Understanding Toddler Behavior you will be able to understand what is really going on for your child and then you will be able to implement the strategies above successfully.

A is for Antecedents - you need to ask yourself "what happens before the behavior?" so, for example, for understanding tantrums what happens before the tantrum.

B is for Behavior - you need to be clear what behavior you are looking at. If your child has a few behaviors you don't want, pick one behavior you want to change and start with that.

C is for Consequence - what happens once the behavior starts. What do you do? What's in it for the child? Usually, the answer will be attention of some kind.

Now, you're armed with all you need. You know what brings the behavior on and what the "reward" for the behavior is. To change the behavior, simply do not reward it in the way you have. Best to try and ignore the behavior.

Further information on dealing with toddler behavior is given at   rel=nofollow [http://www.baby-medical-questions-and-answers.com/toddler-behavior.html]Baby Medical Questions and Answers

Dr Maud provides up-to-date health information and practical medical advice for parents of infants and toddlers on her site [http://www.baby-medical-questions-and-answers.com]Baby Medical Questions and Answers

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Lessons in Potty Training

A mother experiences a lot of fulfilling and happy moments in her mission of raising her children. Potty training is not one of those moments. As I struggled with it with my daughter, my mother gave me some advice. She told me to relax because potty training will come naturally to her. Nevertheless, potty training can really try your patience. No matter what I tried my daughter seemed to have no interest in potty training. For her the bathroom is a place where she can enjoy a bath with her toys.

Diapers have been fattening my grocery bills for two years. I was getting quite desperate. A friend suggested to me that using "potty treats" to reward my daughter might work. To bribe my toddler I placed a small container of candies in the bathroom. The first few days were encouraging. She responded quickly to the candies and I thought that I finally found the answer.

I would give her treats when she entered the bathroom and more if she sat on the potty. After a few weeks however her interest for candies began to diminish and so did her visits to the bathroom. Another seemingly effective potty training tactic failed. My daughter made it clear that she has the last say when it comes to potty training

My suffering finally ended one day when my daughter's best friend at daycare started using the potty. At that point my daughter suddenly and miraculously decided that using the potty was a good idea and she would star using it too. After about week of practice my potty training woes were finally over. My mother was right. It came naturally to her.

I can hardly believe it. Countless hours of planning potty training strategies had produced nothing.  After al that sacrifice and hard work all it took to convince was her friend's decision to use the potty. Needless to say my enjoyment on raising my daughter was rekindled after that special day at the daycare. I am now proud of accomplishing my mission of potty training my two year old daughter.

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Potty Training Resistance

Potty training, unfortunately, comes at a time in life when a child is learning to be more independent. Known as the 'terrible twos', your toddler may resist potty training altogether, dirty his or her diaper for spite, act differently about the toilet for different caregivers, and generally cause potty training to be a hassle for parents. However, don't despair, potty training can still be accomplished even if this is the case, if parents remain calm and understanding and make potty training a fun activity.

First, be sure your child is ready and establish a potty training routine with your child. These two steps are the basis for quick and stress-free potty training. However, many children will still resist, so you are not alone if you are often faced with a screaming child or one who is learning early to talk back (good luck with him or her as a teen...). Refusing to potty train can be simply frustrating, or it can have real health consequences if they chose to 'hold it' for long periods rather than use the potty. Remember to consult your pediatrician if resistance continues for a long period of time.

Rewarding your child is an appropriate step in the potty training process, and one that will possibly make your child less resistant. Have him or her help choose the prizes. For example, visit the local toy store and purchase some new items that your child may not have until he or she meets certain goals. You may also wish to talk to your child about what he or she cannot do without being potty trained (staying the night at grandma's, going to school, visiting friends, etc). Motivation is the key to successful potty training.

Talk with your child if he or she is normally well behaved, but extremely resistant to potty training. Perhaps your child is scared of using a potty seat. Have him or her use, instead, a small potty chair and decorate this chair with stickers. Some children, for example, are scared of the flushing noise a larger toilet makes. Wait until your child leaves the room to flush, or have him or her flush the toilet themselves, both when they use it and at other time in the day, simple to get used to the idea. You may also wish to have your child watch while you, older siblings, and family members use the toilet to show your child that it is not scary.

Punishment is appropriate when your child knows that he or she is acting inappropriately. For example, if he or she won't let your change his or her dirty diaper, even though they have been previously telling you when they have to go, you may wish to punish your child. Also consider punishment for inappropriate behavior such as hitting or throwing temper tantrums.

Punishment is not appropriate for accidents, on the other hand. Remember that your child may simply not know he or she had to use the toilet. Even with older children, accidents sometimes happen, especially with urination during play as they get distracted until it's too late to make it to the toilet. Try to be understanding about this so that your child does not continue to resist using the toilet.

There are many tools on the market to help make potty training fun. If you make it a fun activity, your child will not be as resistant, and the process will be much faster. Use a variety of games, songs, and activities to teach your child about using the potty and remember that each child is different and will learn toilet use at a different pace.

Grab your copy of Diane Ball's free [http://www.painlesspottytraining.com/?source=ez]Potty Training  newsletter full of helpful advice and tips to successfully [http://www.painlesspottytraining.com/potty-training.html?source=ez]potty train your child. Plus, discover how to overcome common [http://www.painlesspottytraining.com/blog/2006/10/17/potty-training-resistance/] Potty Training resistance.

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5 Step Potty Training Plan

Because all of the adults and older children in your child's life use a toilet, learning this process is something your child will expect to do. He or she may even be looking forward to it! However, without a consistent routine and lots of instruction, potty training can be something that is very difficult for your child to master. It is important to be firm, yet understanding as your child goes through this time of life.

The first step should always be speaking with your child about potty training. When he or she is showing strong signs of being ready to begin potty training, ask your child to tell you when he or she has a wet diaper. Surprisingly, your child may be already able to tell you when it's time to go--many parents underestimate their toddlers! Don't worry about forcing your child to use the toilet at first. Get him or her used to the idea with books, videos, games, and other fun activities about the subject.

Many parents find it useful to make a chart showing their child's progress with potty training. Your child can help you make this colorful and display it in either the family bathroom or the bedroom. Set simple goals at first. For example, mark each time your child tells you he or she needs the bathroom with a star on the chart, and when your child collects 10 stars, reward him or her with a small toy, trip to the park, etc. Set more goals as your child learns to use the toilet--stars for staying dry overnight, stars for successfully using the potty, stars for staying clean all day, etc.

It is very important to be consistent, even when it is difficult for you (during a day of shopping for example). Take your child to the restroom often at first, and have him or her sit on the potty for at least 2 minutes. If he or she does not have to go, try again later. It might be a good idea to purchase a potty chair for at home for your toddler, since the toilet can be intimidating.

You might even consider relocating this chair to his or her bedroom or carrying it with you when you travel. Also be consistent with your praise. Your child needs to know that he or she has accomplished something every time the toilet is successfully used, even if it is becoming routine. Don't fall into the habit, however, of rewarding your child for things he or she already knows how to do. This will not encourage progress. For example, at first, reward and praise your child for telling you his or her diaper is dirty. Later, when he or she has displayed knowledge of how to use a toilet, reward this behavior but be sure to let your child know that dirtying his or her diaper, even if he or she tells you, is no longer tolerated.

Sticking to a routine is important. There are many educational tools on the market to help you learning potty training techniques, as well as many for your child. Remember that accidents are a part of life, and your child may go through the potty training process very slowly. Set a routine and reward your child in order to help him or her learn to use the bathroom.

Diane Ball has an interest in Potty Training. For further information on Potty Training please visit [http://www.painlesspottytraining.com/potty-training.html] Potty Training or [http://www.painlesspottytraining.com/blog/2006/10/10/5-step-potty-training-plan/] Potty Training Tips .

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Comment from Tang :   Very useful information. 

Kids And Toilet Training

A dilemma parents have is when and how to toilet train their kids. All kids are different they all look different and act different and their isn't really a particular age that all kids should be toilet trained by. You are not a failure as a parent because all your other friends kids were toilet trained at a certain age and yours is not. All kids have a time when they are ready to be toilet trained and no matter how much you may want them to start earlier if they don't want to they wont.

Many people say that summer time is the best time to toilet train because kids can run around in their underwear and it doesn't matter how many accidents they have but honestly if they are having many accidents per day do you want to spend the day mopping up after them because if kids wet their pants it also ends up on your floor, furniture etc.

Watching for the signs that kids are ready to use the toilet is the best key. Kids will be fascinated with you and the toilet, some will hold onto their nappy when they are doing something in their so you can generally tell they know when they need to go or not.

If you are a bit weary you can keep your child in a nappy but to start off take kids to the toilet at different intervals during the day and put them on there even if they don't do anything. Do this over a week or so and most kids will then start to ask to go to the toilet and will start to do what they used to do in their nappy in the toilet. Don't be discouraged if this doesn't work straight away and you have to go back to nappies it just means that like what I said at the start all kids toilet train in their own time. If you are really lucky you may have one of those kids that just refuses nappies one day and starts getting on the toilet and never looks back. Be prepared for a few accidents and one step forward two steps back meaning you might think you and the toilet have won and then all of a sudden your kids asking for a nappy again that is not unusual and if they really insist give them their nappies back and start again in a day or two asking your child to use the toilet again. Remember all kids toilet train or we would have teenagers in nappies.

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Baby Talk

I realize now that I was fortunate to have my first (and only) baby when I was almost 32 years old.  I was more mature than I had been in my 20's and ready to learn about having a baby and being a mother.  And boy did I study!

But because my life was more settled at that age, I was also able to just tune in to my baby's needs.  I was able to focus on the baby more than I could have done in earlier years.  What worries me most today is that parents, especially mothers, don't have or take the time to focus on their infants and their development in ways that instinct would show them if they could just take the time.  But lives today are so busy.  So many young mothers must return to work so quickly after their babies are born, that they may not have the time to focus on just being a mom for very long.  That is sad.

Still, there are things that every mother (or parent) can do to help in the verbal development.  Mothers particularly learn to use a special kind of baby talk.  That doesn't mean that they have to (or should) use what most think of in terms of baby talk.  Rather, mothers instinctively seem to know that just slowing down their speech, speaking in a higher voice tone and carefully articulating words seems to help their babies tune in to them much better.

Somehow, I just knew these things when I was carrying my son.  I spoke to him even before he was born.  I read books to him, sang to him.  His father and I went to a symphony orchestra concert and were able to sit in the front row.  (The ushers thought I looked like I was ready to have a baby, even though I was only seven months along, and they wanted me close to an exit.)  During that concert, we discovered that our son loved the fast music more than the slow.  He kicked and turned in my belly as the music grew to crescendo.

After our son was born, his dad and I continued to read to him daily and sang to him.  We played all kinds of music, and he soon preferred going to sleep with soft music in the background.

When he was just a toddler, he loved using markers on huge sheets of poster board while classical music played in the background.  Perhaps hearing such music when he was still in the womb is what helped animate him when he heard that same music as a toddler.  Perhaps it is also why he prefers listening to all kinds of music today as an adult.  He heard all sorts of music while he was still developing and as a baby.

We had agreed at the onset that we would not use "baby talk", preferring, instead to talk to our child as we would an adult.  We did speak to him in complete sentences and we used words we would normally use as we spoke to one another.  But we also, instinctively, slowed down our speech patterns and pronounced words more distinctively with a higher pitched voice.  Those things definitely helped our baby learn to understand speech patterns and, most probably, helped him learn to speak early himself.

Listening to our son had to be helpful as well.  When he said, "bababa", we would ask him what he was trying to say.  We might repeat his babbling for a brief moment, letting him know that we heard him.  Then we might use a word starting with the same sound as his babbling, perhaps using the word "baby" and showing him a picture of a baby.

Our baby soon learned to express his displeasure and anger in ways other than crying.  At just a few months old, he started angrily using this string, "didididi" quite loudly when he was angry or disturbed.  Sometimes when he was particularly angry, he waved his fists as he "cussed."  While smiling or laughing at him might have been tempting, we would usually acknowledge his anger and try to help change things.  If he could not reach a toy while he was using his baby "cussing", we would help him get the toy.  If he was saying, "didididi" while sitting in the high chair and staring at foods that maybe didn't appeal to him at the moment, we would offer another food.

When my son and I traveled together in the car, I also spoke to him.  I told him what I could see out the window, where were going, what we would be doing.  He played with the toys attached to his car seat, but he also listened.   Today he is 22, but we still have some of our best discussions while riding in the car.

We live in a strange world today.  People are far too busy with work, television, Internet usage, and friends to spend the time they should really getting to know and understand their babies.  Just taking the time to talk with them and read to them might make all the difference in the world, even when they are quite young.

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Top Tips For Potty Training Accidents

It is inevitable that your child will have accidents when he or she is being potty trained. Be supportive, even when your child has not successfully used the toilet. With time, the accidents should become fewer and fewer until your child is completely potty trained and accidents are few and far between.

It's been a long time since you were in diapers. Parents often do not realize that their children have accidents simply because they think differently. A child cannot plan ahead the way adults do every day --how many times, for example, do you jump in the car for a long trip with an older child and he or she needs to stop for a restroom less then ten minutes into the trip? Toddlers have an even shorter planning ability. They may hold it, thinking they can wait to use the potty when their television program or game is finished. Often, this is not the case, and the result is an accident.

Your child may also simply not realize he or she needs to use the potty. Even if your child has previously voiced the need to go to the restroom, other activities, such as being engrossed in play, can take your child's mind off bodily needs. Ask you child often if he or she needs to use the potty, just as you would ask him or her to drink water on a hot day.

Be consistent with potty training rules as well to prevent these accidents. Your child may be doing this on purpose to gauge your reaction. Accidents should never result in punishment, but be firm as to what your child can and cannot do until he or she is potty trained. Regular accidents are not OK if your child knows better and had previously been able to control his or her bathroom actions.

However, if your child is having regular accidents and is upset at this, consult your doctor. There may be medical reason as to when potty training is becoming more difficult, and sometimes, simple dietary changes can help you fix these problems. Most children have accidents up to 6 months after successful toilet training. If accidents continue, speak with your child about the situation. If he or she is deliberately causing accidents, you may wish to postpone potty training until he or she is more mature. Punishment in these situations rarely works, but don't let your child use potty training as a way of getting attention.

Accidents are normal. Although undesirable, remember to be supportive of your child as he or she is trying to learn to use the potty, even when they're unsuccessful. Join an online support group if you find this process especially stressful. This, along with the multiple articles and tools for parents, can help you learn more techniques for potty training more quickly and avoiding accidents. Use accidents as a learning tool. As your child progresses in the potty training process, he or she will have fewer accidents. Don't be surprised if your child regresses after having made significant progress--potty training takes time and support and is often a case of two steps forward and one step back.

Diane Ball has an interest in Potty Training. For further information on Potty Training please visit [http://www.painlesspottytraining.com/potty-training.html] Potty Training  or [http://www.painlesspottytraining.com/blog/2006/09/27/top-tips-for-potty-training-accidents/] Potty Training Tips

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Comment from Tang :  Well, it's good to always stay calm when this happen !